Tutu Much Fun

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

That Old Familiar Thing

This is a confession....one Im not proud of, but God receives glory when we confess our sins to one another.  Music is such a huge part of my life, it always has been, it's no wonder I married a musician =) But one of the first things God told me to release when He called me to follow Him, was secular music. Not a complete discard, but all the secular music I was listening to at the time was absolute garbage. I still cringe thinking of some of the lyrics that have passed through my lips innumerable times. I would sing along to such filthy, sexually promiscuous, murderous, envious, cursed words without thinking twice. No guilt, no conviction, no problem. I actually thought I was cool for knowing every lyric to every Tupac song (for example) and now I continually pray for the Lord to renew my mind and wipe out my memory of those words. I thought it was of perfect moral for men and women, in the entertainment industry, to use such violent lyrics in their songs, and suggestive themes to their music videos and then praise God for their success on their cd insert or at the receiving of an award. But James 3:10 tells us differently: "And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters this is not right!" Last week...everyday last week, actually, I was drawn to a past musician. No, not the likes of Tupac, Notorious BIG or even Outkast to name a few but something in me desired to hear an old favorite again. Just a well known jam band that was always a staple in my car rides, partying nights, and dates with Tim. But one song turned into a cd, and one cd turned into 4 cds. Before I knew it I had their cd in my car, and kitchen radio, and almost listened to their extensive catalog in one week. Their lyrics never spoke of 'the club;' never used degrading names for women, & never spoke of violence. BUT the lyrics in their songs took me back to my old familiar sin....and for a moment I was ok with that. I actually tolerated the presence of the enemy, luring me back to an old life. Wow , I feel the presence of the Holy Spirit just typing these words. The enemy was luring me back to an old life of sin, an easier life. A life where everyone knew my name, and I didnt feel lost in a crowd of hundreds, a life where I was the boss of my destiny (so I thought), a life of partying and drugs and putting flesh first. Satan was speaking in my ear reminding me of 'good' times & old 'friends.' "Wouldn't it be nice to go see them in concert again?" "They talk about wine alot, maybe Tim would let you keep some in the house, but just to cook with of course" "You know, you could listen to this cd in the car, & leave the baby home with Tim so you can ride around a smoke like old times and no one would ever have to know." Wheels in my head turned. I never followed threw on any of the thoughts but I hadn't thought like that in 3 years so why was I doing it now??? Where in the world were these desires coming from??? And then I realized--it was the music. Now to anyone reading this it may seem ludicrous, but music has such a strong effect on me, whether positive or negative. God knows this, this is why He told me to lay it down. The devil also knows this, which is why he pulled me back to it. With me, smell is not the strongest sense tied to my memory, its hearing. I can hear a song and think of all the places I was and people I was with when I last heard that song. And its never a good place or situation. Its unholy memories that Im ashamed of. I thank God that He reminded me of my first love with Him and the day I said 'yes' to follow Him and laying down all other lovers. And this little jam band was a BIG lover in my life. Again their lyrics would seem innocent to the masses but for me those sweetly sang words put ungodly desires in me, and I was compromising the vows I had made with God. I felt my heart being sold to another lover, one that does not love me in return. A lover that always left me empty handed. A lover that sent my emotions up and down with each track. But now my Lover is Jesus and His Word(s) are the lyrics to my life, the song in my heart, the balance to my emotions. He has saved me from a multitude of wickedness and for a few days I forgot that. Thank you God for pulling my heart back to you! We can never be comfortable in our sins nor should we be comfortable in remembrance of our old sins. A friend once told me that we are either getting closer to God or further away and there is no stand still! Wow!!!-her words set me free and they apply to me in my love of music--I can listen to the radio but it always returns void. I get no nourishment or life from it so I prefer to listen to worship music. God's word never returns void!  If something as simple as my choice of music keeps me close to God then by all means Kim Walker, sing on! (This is not to suggest, by any means, that music is to be our only outlet to God. We of course are to read the Word and Pray DAILY!) To me, popping in a worship cd, a sermon, or Misty Edwards' latest album changes my atmosphere-whether in my car, or home-the Holy Spirit feels welcome. So I can have 'church' while Im playing with Enzlie, folding laundry, and cooking dinner just by CHOOSING to feed my spirit with things of God and not with things of this earth. Honestly, which would you rather have your children singing along to-Kesha (however you spell it) or Lady Gaga's newest hit, or praises to the King?? Do you choose to let life or death fill the airwaves of your home and car? Because remember there is NO STAND STILL!!-its either foward or backward; life or death. Which do you choose for you? For your children? I choose LIFE! This week has been so much more productive for me, both in a homemaker sense and spiritually, because my household chooses life.
Psalm 199:1-3~
"Happy are the people of integrity, who follow the law of the Lord.
Happy are those who obey His decrees and search for Him with all their hearts.
They do not compromise with evil, and they walk only in His paths."